In lieu of Autobiography: Making Public What's Private
LEAVES FROM MY DIARY:
Fragments of Days Once Lived And Thoughts Preserved
I was just 15 years old when I started writing Diary at the instance of an Australian Yoga teacher, who had come to our college to give demonstration of various asanas and dhyan. It was possibly before my High School. I took time to make a beginning with something memorable and/or unforgettable, as I can recall, but soon I discovered that something meaningful could be hidden even in the recording of the same repetitive routine of an ordinary person. I had not imagined how writing about a day spent could be so meaningful in ones life later. Soon it became my habit to reflect objectively as each day passes...
I chose English to write my entries because, despite limitations, I wanted to practice the language that fascinated me always, even as I was a Hindi medium student in ordinary schools nearest to our residence.
I.
Years at Home in Varanasi
21 February 1967, Tuesday
By the mercy of God, today I had the opportunity to receive Mrs Gloria Faizi, an international Baha'i Lecturer. She is on her extensive tour to India on the invitation of the Baha'is of India.
Went to Tourist Lodge at 10:15 a.m. and after half-an-hour waiting, she came. We had arranged her lectures at many institutions. At 3:15 p.m. she gave a talk at the College of Indology in B.H.U. on the topic "The Unity of Mankind" and it was the subject of all her lectures today. At 4:15 p.m. she spoke at Central Hindu Girls School, where nearly 250 girls were present. Around 6 p.m. we reached Kashi Tatva Sabha, Theosophical Society and in the hall about 30 noble men were present to hear her. The last lecture she gave at Women's Hostel, B.H.U. at 7:30 p.m. I accompanied her everywhere she went, though I could not attend her talk at Women's Hostel. I came back home at about 7 p.m.
I regard Mrs Faizi as my aunt, and she likes to call me as Ram.
22 February 1967, Wednesday
Got up at about 6:45 and after attending to nature's call and bath, went to temple. At 9:30 a.m.-- my usual time for meal --,I left for Tourist Lodge to meet aunt Faizi and accompany her to the lecture at Govt Girls College. About 100 girls were present there. She distributed literature on Baha'i Faith wherever she went yesterday and today. I had collected it from Shah Bahram Mobedzadih of Poona.
On her request, I wrote her a page about how I became a Baha'i. The interesting story was that I got an empty envelop at my college (Harish Chandra Intermediate College, Maidagin) notice board in 1965 (I was 15 years old at that time) and came to know the address of Baha'i Faith office in India. I wrote a letter to the Secretary, National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha'is of India for more information about Baha'i Faith. I received some literature about the new Faith and its basic truths. I was impressed by its fundamental beliefs and became a Baha'i by signing the declaration card on 30th August 1966.
Aunt Faizi and I went together to Sanskrit University at 1:30 p.m., and after her talk there about unity of mankind, went to Udai Pratap College at 3:30 p.m. There were about 250 and 100 men respectively at both the places to listen to her. After an hour, she visited my home to meet my parents, brother and sisters. I had goosebumps when she embraced Amma in a sisterly way. She took tea and snacks with us before leaving for Tourist Lodge at 5:30.
Perhaps, she also went to one of the Boys hostels at BHU after two hours. I did not go with her, as I had to go to Tandon ji's chamber (where Babu has engaged me for part-time typing work till late evening). I would be free from there only after about 10 p.m.
It's an unforgettable moment of my life to get from aunt Faizi her photograph with signature. She also gave me a little metal badge inscribed in Persian or Arabic "The Glory of the Glorious One" in it. She also shared her present address in India and her son's address in England. Feeling happy about it.
23 February 1967, Thursday
After the morning routine -- getting up after 6:30, refreshing myself, taking bath, and puja/praying --went to college by 10 after taking meal. In the class, I had to bear opposition of a group of students regarding farewell to second year's students.
After returning home around 4 p.m., sat to write the ledgers of certain businessmen where Babu works. (He wants me to learn accounting and help him in earning his monthly pay. I suffer his scolding very often for making mistakes.)
Wrote letters to NSA, Dr Munje, and Mrs Faizi's son. Took meal after 9 p.m. before going to sleep.
28 February, 1967, Tuesday
Morning routine, as usual. Can't be given up. Did some domestic chores, read the newspaper, wrote business letters at LNGD (M/s Laxmi Narayan Gopal Das, Chowk, where Babu works at night) and went to Hanuman ji temple which, too, is part of my daily duty. Like everyday, went to school at 9:45 a.m. and returned at about 1:30 p.m.
After rest, read Mahatma Gandhi's Birth Control, which I got from Rev. Br. Prabhakar (Christ Nagar). After writing today's Bahi-Khata, as Babu has assigned for one of his part-time employers, left for Vakil saheb's chamber at about 7:30, as everyday, to work as 'Type Babu', and returned home after 11 p.m.
01 March, 1967, Wednesday
Woke up a little late after 7, and got ready to reach Vakil's chamber at 8 a.m. After doing the typing work, went to college at 10:30, and stayed there till 12:10. Came home for meal, read Gandhi ji's book for some time, and then, from 4 to 6 p.m. tried to complete the account books, as usual. Roamed around from 6 to 8, before going to do the typing job at Tandon ji's chamber. Studied Maths on returning after 9:30 p.m. Could sleep late after midnight.
03 March, 1967, Friday
The new thing today is something emotional. After completing the daily work at home, went to LIC office to deposit a premium for one of the many policies Babu has taken. While returning on the way, at about 2:50 p.m. bought a ticket to watch the picture, Do Badan, for its heart touching songs. The picture has a moving love story also. I too want to adopt the career of Dr Anjali , who did her best and sacrificed herself for a blind man (hero) by helping him in gaining the love of Asha (heroine). She wanted nothing except to see him happy. What a true love was from both sides! I can't forget it! I wrote about this to Mahesh (my intimate friend, then living in Bombay). I don't know what would be his reaction.
At night, enjoyed listening to a drama on the radio before sleeping.
05 March 1967, Sunday
After getting up in the morning, washed my clothes etc. Read the newspaper. Wrote six letters to different persons; completed the account books of the party, and studied Maths. It was exciting to receive the message from one of my uncles to go there to meet a forecaster. He predicted that I shall get a regular job on 7th July 1971 and our family will enjoy their life in own house from 15 October 1969. I will have only two intimate friends, and one other will not be true. Though I don't believe such fortune tellers, I note his words here to check what actually happens. To me his words are simply futile joke.
When I asked him what I was in my previous lives, he told me that I was firstly a Brahmin, then a lion, then after, a snake, and now enjoying the life of a human. What a chronical joke!
In the evening, went to Town Hall to see the political crowd with leaders who won the election that ended fifteen days ago.
06 March 1967, Monday
Yesterday, I was in bed early, today I was out of bed at about 2:30 a.m. From 3 to 5 a.m., studied Maths, and again slept for about two hours, and then again woke up at 7. There was nothing new up to 10 a.m.-- from my going to college and returning at noon --, but soon the same fortune teller came accompanied by my sister. The man again told many thing which seem to me futile, just to placate disturbed minds. He told something extraordinary about my sisters: Laxmi will go abroad as a nurse! Sounds so ridiculous.
08 March 1967, Wednesday
Day before yesterday, wrote a letter to Mahesh expressing my views on our various contacts. Yesterday got a letter from Dr Munje inviting me to visit him at Kanpur. He remarked about me: "...Certainly, the circumstances in which you became a Baha'i was God given, " and congratulated me on becoming a Baha'i. Today, I remember the words of Mahesh that he said about me sometime ago: I see that my thoughts are the same as yours.
The rest of the day passed doing the same ledger work, study, typing work etc. As our radio went out of order after 4:30 p.m., retire to bed after early dinner.
09 March 1967, Thursday
Today is Maha Shivaratri. I am on fast. In our family, fasting is a special occasion. During the fast, everyone enjoys special 'phalahari' food. We want to fast because we get delicate dishes and delicious sweets at home and from market.
At about 10:30 when I went to Vakil saheb's chamber, I expected to be paid for the work done so far. But I had to ask for the money. He won't pay me on his own. I don't feel good to ask for what is due to me, but at the end, it feels good to have my own money. I feel proud. Money is everything and money is nothing.
In the afternoon, went to the mechanic for repair of radio set. At about 5:30, took a glass of 'bhang' and went out for a walk with Tribhuwan (my another intimate friend). We both had 'phalahari' before returning to our home.
11 March 1967, Saturday
Didn't go to temple in the morning. After meal, went to college straight, and returned around 3 p.m. as usual. At 5 p.m. went to Maidagin and waited for Tribhuwan, but when he did not come as promised, proceeded to Sankatmochan alone. The weather was so good and I needed a good company, but there was none. On return, thought to study, but after food, preferred to sleep.
15 March 1967, Wednesday
